I AM REALLY REALLY DEPRESSED.
- BECAUSE OF THE SEVERE OUTBREAK ON MY FOREHEAD.

I should count myself lucky since it's only on my forehead and not anywhere else. But I'm still sad about it. LIKE SERIOUSLY REALLY SAD. Maybe gonna see a dermatologist soon.

A lot of people asked if I'm stressed. But actually I don't think I am. - SO that's not a reason for the outbreak. Now I'm more stressed about the outbreak worsening, but by stressing myself out I'm aggravating the situation of my face. (Haha, yes you can slap me in the face because there are people out there who are 20 times worser).

I remember once when we're in Sec 1, I actually told Kewei that pimples are nice (not sure if you remember?), especially when they grow on your cheeks, because it gives our cheeks a tinge of red. (LIKE YOU'RE BLUSHING!!)

Then she replied me with her ultra-diao plus sian face (-.-) and she asked if I want some of hers. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I don't want! I truly regret saying that pimples are nice!! Can't wait to get rid of them.

I'm still depressed :( I know I shouldn't be thinking of these since Os are coming, but yknow, it's so bad for me that I can't focus well. I like checking my smile in front of the mirror everytime I reach home/before and after bathing/every morning when I tie my pony. BUT!!! Now my face is not nice already, I don't like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've always been self-conscious. Really self-conscious and that may be a weak point! Then again, I don't really care. I've always realised that my fat thighs and lower legs don't quite match with my body. Like, how I wished they'll be longer and slimmer. Blame myself for not toning my muscles or doing stretching when I was in Track & Field in Primary School.

Now my muscles are bulky, huge and GROSS MAX. Sometimes people will comment like 'Wah! Mendi, your leg muscles so big!' I know it's a compliment but I don't like it! Though I always reply them with 'Yeah, I can send you flying to Pluto if you make me angry.' On the inside, I'm like can't-wait-to-get-rid-of-them-like-seriously.

SO!!!!! I've decided to go on a diet again. I'm not anorexic or bulimic, I'll just be drinking soup for dinner and maybe skipping recess (FOR GOOD). I know I need energy but I feel that I've been eating so much more than before. Hopefully my muscles will be converted to fats and then the fats will be broken down?

In the past when there are trainings, I will skip lunch and go to training straight. That's why I often get my gastric pains but now I don't wanna care anymore :( I WANT TO BE THIN AND REAL SKINNY! (THE HEALTHY KIND OF SKINNY OF COURSE)

Sorry to let you all suffer with my rantings -guilty look-
(BUT I DID BLOG ABOUT MYSELF ALRIGHT, AND THESE ARE WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW - THEY'RE BURNING AND SEETHING WITHIN ME CURRENTLY)

Alright, good night............... :'(

Labels: Mendi